Creating Space for Non-Binary and Trans-Femme Bears
The bear community was initially created as a refuge for bigger, harrier gay men who found themselves excluded from the mainstream gay culture that looked down upon them simply because of the way they looked. And it is for that very reason that we owe it to our queer siblings to uphold a welcoming spirit for any and all who’d like to join us. It is ironic and dare I say, hypocritical, for us to shun anyone who’d like to join our community, and yet many people have reported feeling just that. We hear this often, and primarily from bears of color and bears who are gender diverse. This is unacceptable and needs to change.
Because of that, it gave me great joy to come across a relatively new Facebook Group called “Non-binary and Trans-Femme Bears, Cubs, Chubs and Their Admirers”. I joined immediately to show my support and contacted the creator of the group, Zozazee (They/ She/ Ze), who put me in touch with one of the group’s admins, Xolani Easterwood (they/them), who graciously took the time to answer some questions for me. Check out our conversation below.
John Hernandez (JH): Why is it important for a group such as this to exist?
Xolani Easterwood (XE): It is important because there are not a lot of groups out there that are geared towards people like us. Zozazee is our founder. They wanted to see a change and so they created the group. The LGBT community has seemed to be (in my own opinion) very binary. It’s either masculine or feminine, nothing in between. Individuals need to know there is a safe space for them, especially in the bear community. It’s not just lumberjacks, jocks, and muscles there. There are fem Individuals who just want to be seen and loved, not shunned away.
JH: What are the unique challenges non-binary and trans-femme bears face within the bear community?
XE: Not to play the woe is me card, but I already dealt with being black/Middle Eastern and chubby as a negative in the community. Now put on top of that being feminine or in between like I am, and it made it even more challenging.
Men or male presenting people who are also amab (assigned male at birth) Individuals in the bear community tend to go for brute ALPHA males. They want that “Strong All American Man”. They don’t seem to understand or care that we are Individuals who identify a different way and usually don’t even give us a chance.
It also extends into more casual aspects of dating too. I don’t know how it is outside of my city, but being a bottom or verse is like being an ocean compared to the tops being like a pond. There are not that many out there. And from the people I know and have experienced, they don’t want someone who is fem to top them. They don’t want to hear a bear with a softer voice and similarly just don’t even allow for the possibility of playing with a gender diverse person.
JH: In addition to this Facebook group are there any other resources for non-binary and trans-femme bears that you know of out there?
XE: Unfortunately, I’ve never seen any, but that’s the beauty of it. MAKE YOUR OWN GROUP AND RESOURCES. Our founder. Zozazee believes in that. Make a way.
JH: What can cis bears do to show their allyship and to make bear spaces more welcoming?
XE: Acknowledge pronouns (He/She/They or Neo Pronouns), don’t shun Individuals in that category, never assume when you see a beard and belly that they are automatically “he”. Ask respectful questions. There is a way to have a conversation without judging. Be open to the idea that we are in your space and don’t be afraid if you have romantic or sexual feelings towards someone that is non-binary and femme.
JH: How do you define what a bear is?
XE: There are some communities that define a bear as active, aggressive or a top. For me, I consider myself a Chubby Bear. I am verse with a large stature. It’s an umbrella term, I feel that a bear can be anyone (Top, Large, Femme etc).
JH: Anything we have not covered that you’d like to mention?
XE: Be kind. There are suicides happening all the time. Some people are strong, but there are others who need help. We already have people after our freedoms and don’t like us for our existence. Don’t let our community spaces be like that too. All we want to do is live, love and be happy like everyone else.
Join the Non-binary and Trans-Femme Bears, Cubs, Chubs and Their Admirers Facebook Group HERE.
