Center Stage, Full Body: How I Learned to Love My Reflection

By Edward Otto Zielke

When I first stepped on stage as a teen cabaret performer, I wasn’t just carrying sheet music—I was carrying shame. As an overweight teenager in a world built for sleek lines and tight waistcoats, I quickly learned that the spotlight came with rules. Suck in your stomach. Don’t sing so loud. Keep the emotions in check. Be funny, but not too real. Be visible, but only in the ways they deemed palatable. I didn’t just rehearse my songs—I rehearsed how to make myself smaller. But the more I shrank, the more invisible I became.

But surviving hardship has a way of rewriting your story. Over the years, I endured cancer, alcoholism, an emotionally abusive relationship, obesity, and the isolating weight of shame. At 33, I was at my heaviest—365 pounds—and I made the deeply personal choice to undergo gastric bypass surgery. I had been taught that shrinking was something to be praised. In time, I reached the goal I had obsessed over. But thinness didn’t bring the peace I expected. It was a number, not a revelation. The actual healing came later, when I stopped measuring my worth by my waistline.

Now, at 55, I’m comfortable for the first time. I like my curves. I like the way I move, the way I dress, and the way I take up space. I’m no longer auditioning for acceptance. I’ve claimed the role I was always meant to play: myself. I am also in a loving relationship with my boyfriend, Andrew, whom I reconnected with after a relationship years prior. Our bond is built on mutual love and respect, and I’ve never felt more supported in myself. 

As the Director of Marketing and Sponsorship for the Gay Men’s Chorus of South Florida (GMCSF), I proudly stand at the intersection of music, message, and visibility. Our mission is simple: we sing so LGBTQ+ people can live their truth. And part of that truth is learning to accept that your body, just as it is, belongs in the light. My journey led me into the bear community, where I found the permission I never knew I needed—a space where I wasn’t just accepted, but truly embraced. The bear community has long celebrated authenticity and body diversity. It’s a place where bodies like mine are welcomed and celebrated for their strength, size, and unique beauty. What I once saw as limitations, I now see as sources of pride.

This celebration of authenticity and visibility extends beyond individual journeys and into our collective work. It is deeply reflected in the powerful partnership between the Chorus and The Bears of South Florida (BOSFL). Together, we’re not just collaborating—we’re building a community bound by joy, love, and a shared commitment to making a difference. Through their generosity, the Bears raised over $100,000 for LGBTQ+ nonprofits last year, including a remarkable $16,000 donation to GMCSF raised during their annual holiday concert at Hard Rock Live. But the real strength of this collaboration lies beyond the money—it’s in the lives we touch. The impact of this partnership is measured not just in funds but in how it uplifts the voices and experiences of the LGBTQ+ community. Their work isn’t just about charity; it’s a movement that amplifies visibility, creates space, and spreads joy.

We’ve shared beautiful moments. At the Community Sing-Along in Wilton Manors, we transformed a public space into a sanctuary of harmony and healing. We comforted pediatric patients with hundreds of plush toys through the annual Teddy Bear Drive. And on May 3rd, we’ll celebrate strength, spirit, and sparkle at the Divas Tea Dance—an event that benefits the chorus, where every sequin, every beat, and every bear hug fuels our mission and keeps the music alive.

To anyone who’s ever been told to shrink: don’t. Fill the frame. Command the stage. Take up space in your body and the world because the spotlight was never meant for just a few. It was meant for all of us—curves and all.

Our sister Magazine Queer Forty interviewed Edward – take a read here. Check out Edwards LinkTree