Motoring Monday: 2019 Ram 1500 Longhorn Crew Cab 4×4 – If you’re into big, butch and roomy…

What’s not to like about one of the butchest and sweetest trucks on the road?

This truck is under consider for Truck of the Year at the Denver Auto Show (okay, my secret is out, I am a true mountain man) this Spring, and it’s easy to see why.  It’s one tough vehicle, to put it mildly. If you were looking for a truck where you could literally put a bumper hitch on your house and take it with you, this would be the truck.  And if you wanted something that had all the cushand comfort of Liberace’s bathtub, just step up and climb in, because this year’s Ram 1500 is even more luxurious than ever.  Not that you would buy this truck to luxuriate yourself…

The Ram 1500 is completely redesigned for 2019, debuting the fifth generation of the vehicle. It weighs less this year but it has increased payload and towing capacity. There is more rear seat room, and let’s face it, men: we can all use more room for, ya know, trophies, baggage, purchases, takeout….

Edmunds.com describes the ride as “sedan-like”, which says a lot about how smooth the ride is.  Some of us want the traditional roller coaster ride of a truck, but I guess anymore, people need stability in these uncertain times of Brexit and shutdowns, so a ride that doesn’t upset you is important. While driving the 1500, I did indeed feel like I was tall in the saddle of a nice limo with high appointments and refinements of past accomplishments that truly I never accomplished.

I tested the Longhorn Crew Cab 4×4, which is one of some 30-plus higher-end trims of the 1500 that will cost you a fair amount of your paycheck. The base price on this one, which was bathed in Delmonico Red Pearl, is $53,695, and it’s powered by a 5.7-liter V8 hemi. I didn’t get a chance to tow anything, but I did get time to sit in it and pleasure and luxuriate myself (yeah, I’m a big ole queen) and couldn’t help but enjoy all the king-size room.  No doubt, even my friends who really do take up a lot of room can sit comfortably in the 1500 without girdle bite or muscle cramping caused by tight compartmentalization.

There is so much interior room, especially on the dash, that that navigation screen is essentially at a tablet.  No need to squint or strain to see what’s going on with the moving car or the tiny words: with Ram’s Uconnect system, it’s all right there for the whole world to see. In fact, it’s almost a bit too much room.  I mean, here in the States, we are used to getting pinched, and not in the fun way.  Getting pampered like this, we may start demanding our rights, and then, where will that lead?

But before you get all hard and go crazy, make sure you need the Ram 1500 before you even consider buying one.  Most of you don’t need one.  What would you do with it?  Where would you park it?  How would you insure it and keep it warm?  And yeah, sure, it looks great when you’re inside, but how long is that one-sided relationship going to last?

Kinda sounds like your last meaningful relationship that got started at the last bear run you attended, ya?