Dominion’s Opinions: New Year, New COVID Rules We Should All Live By
Le sigh… 2021 started off seeming like 2020, Part Deux. Events were being cancelled, lockdowns were in place, and zoom events flooded our calendars. All due to COVID.
Then, the vaccines came out. Everyone (well, reasonable people guided by science) rushed to get their first and second shots. Lockdowns were eased, you could find toilet paper and flour in the grocery store and people started planning a return to normalcy. For about 90 days there in the spring and early summer, TheKiddz were back to dipping it low and spreading it wide at local Shirtless Nights and whoring around at Pride events worldwide. We all felt, if not invincible, at least protected.
Caught up in the frenzy, me and my friends rented a house in Wilton Manors, Florida and spent a week in July partying and bullshitting in the pool, the hot tub, and all over town. Armed with two shots in our arm, hoe-ism on our minds, cocktails in one hand, and credit cards in the other, we dipped it as low as we could go, and spread it as far and wide as we dared. Allegedly.
Le SIGH…
As luck would have it, our trip coincided with an explosion of the delta variant in Florida and the world. In addition to the new clothes, the tans, and the memories, some of us came back with an unwanted souvenir, a case of Miss Rona. Thus, we learned that we were not all quite as protected as we though.
Fast forward to today, and the start of 2022 feels like 2020, part trois — Although it’s not the menage I was looking forward to. I just had to make the decision not to attend my favorite leather event, Mid-Atlantic Leather Weekend (MAL) due to concerns over COVID. To say I am bummed would be an understatement, especially since MAL was cancelled altogether last year.
With the omicron variant currently wreaking havoc and other variants surely waiting in the wings, what’s a gay to do? Luckily, I have some New Rules for 2022.
New Rule #1: STAY YOUR ASS IN THE HOUSE!
New variants happen because the previous variants find unvaccinated (unprotected) bodies in which to propagate. Staying home (in addition to being fully vaxxed and boosted per the latest guidance) denies the virus the opportunity to mutate and spread. Remember, the fact that businesses are open, or that events are being held, does not mean that everything is fine. Those organizations make decisions based on politics, their bottom lines, and contractual constraints. They won’t be there to take care of you if you get sick, so STAY YOUR ASS IN THE HOUSE!!!
New Rule #2: If you must go out, ALWAYS WEAR A MASK!
I have seen so many people lamenting a return to mask mandates, and here I am like, you hoes stopped wearing masks? Until there is an official end declared to the pandemic, the rule is ALWAYS WEAR A MASK, regardless of whether or not there is a mask mandate in your jurisdiction. Unfortunately, these directives are often made (or not) for political (not health) reasons, so ALWAYS WEAR A MASK!!!
New Rule #3: WASH YOUR HANDS!
Having worked in an airport, I have seen firsthand the number of you nasty fuckers who relieve themselves then walk right of the bathroom, onto planes, and out into creation. Wash your hand in the bathroom. Yes, wash them when you come home from the grocery store. And, wash your hands after grabbing someone’s dick or playing with their butthole. It’s called common courtesy, people! Also, while hand sanitizer is an acceptable solution for situations where soap and water are not available, it is not a replacement for these things, so WASH YOUR HANDS OFTEN!!!
New Rule #4: CREATE A POD.
One thing we learned in 2020 is that we can’t live in total isolation with only virtual connections. Find yourself a small group of friends to socialize with. It’s not a foolproof plan, but it allows you to have those in-person connections. You can get together and watch your favorite shows, drink and play games. It goes without saying that everyone in the pod has to follow all the other rules to avoid bringing COVID into the pod.
New Rule #4a: DON”T FUCK EVERYONE IN YOUR POD!
I said find a group of friends, not fuck buddies. All I’ll say is that some of you have very messy personal lives. Even as I write this, I know some of you are thinking about all the orgies and gangbangs you could have, without considering what happens afterward. LE SIGH…
And finally…
New Rule #5: GET TRAVEL INSURANCE!
Despite admonishments to stay home, some of you will still travel, so get travel insurance! This will protect you in the event of a need to cancel the trip at the last minute regardless of the reason (terms and conditions apply; I’m your columnist, not your lawyer). Even after the pandemic, travel insurance will remain a good idea because there will likely be other epidemics and pandemics in the coming decades.
COVID isn’t going away any time soon. Conspiracy theorists might say that is exactly how “they” want it. Whether or not “they” have some master strategy, we must face the fact that despite ridiculous claims about bleach, horse dewormers, and hydroxychloroquine, there isn’t likely to be a magic cure-all that they’ll squirt into you so we can party like it 2019. The same goes for vaccines. Every vaccine is only effective for known variants, so our best defense is to limit the chance for new variants to crop up.
If these New Rules sound like the same old rules, that’s because they are. These rules are the same rules your Grandma/ Big Mama/ Nona/ Oma/ Abuela/ Bubbe/ Obaasan gave you for whenever you got sick. They are common sense guidelines, and they are the same damn things Dr. Fauci and others have been telling us for two years. The guidance hasn’t changed.
