Can Tony Silva explain why straight men have gay sex in new book?

Sociology professor Dr. Tony Silva seems to have cracked the mystery that many gay men and heterosexual women have been trying to figure out for centuries, according to Pink News. 

In his new book Still Straight: Sexual Flexibility Among White Men in Rural America, UBC professor Dr. Tony Silva investigates why straight men have sex with other men. Many of us queers would just assume they were closeted. However, by exploring the secretive sex lives of men who have hookups, sexual friendships and even loving relationships with other men yet continue to identify as straight, Silva seems to reject the notion that these men are simply just closeted gay and bisexual men.  

“The majority of the men I interviewed reported that they are primarily attracted to women, not men,” he explained in the Georgia Straight.

Well… Yea, that’s usually what they say, right? But after holding over 60 interviews across the United States, Silva seems to have made some interesting discoveries. 

He has discovered that many of these men have sex with other men because they view it as sort of a loophole to their marriage; gay sex isn’t cheating to them. For them, it’s more about having a more active sex life than it is about sexual attraction. 

Ideas around gender stereotypes is also something that drives some of these men, as some believed that women often become too “emotionally clingy”, and sex with a man would not threaten their marriages the same way a rendevous with a woman would. In other words — Fatal Attraction scared the living hell out of them. 

“I find it particularly interesting and ironic that their conservative beliefs about gender actually encourage them to have sex with men,” Silva revealed. 

For others, sex with another man is about having the ability to reliquish control; the pressure to be in control doesn’t exist the same way it does with a woman. Others just want to experience intimacy in a way that feels masculine but sensual all at once. 

So, if this is the case, why don’t these men just identify as bisexual or pansexual? After all, a man wanting to experience intimacy with someone who is also masculine is… Well… pretty gay, right? Silva appears to have found many reasons for this as well. 

“Most of the men identified as straight because they felt that this identity best reflected their romantic relationships with women, their integration in communities composed mostly of straight people, or the way they understood their masculinity,” the professor said.

This explanation actually isn’t that new. Many people, especially queers, already know and accept the differences between romantic and sexual attraction. But then, Silva goes a little further to say that these men are just attempting to avoid stigma. 

“Identifying as straight also meant they could avoid stigma and feel connected to a socially dominant group. Many felt that sex with men was irrelevant to their identities given other aspects of their lives. They felt that heterosexuality and masculinity were ‘normal’ and expected of them.”

Reading this passage, it seems what Silva is describing is basically being closeted, or being in denial. Rejecting your true sexual desires to appeal to societal norms and avoid stigma literally is the definition of being closeted. 

However, according to Silva, sexuality is multidimensional, and attractions, behaviors and identities do not always perfectly align. This seems to be based on the idea of sexuality as a spectrum, which many of us are aware of. But, does that spectrum also include when a straight-identified man has sex with another man and views himself as straight despite sex with men? It seems debatable. But, according to Silva, yes. 

“While many people understandably think that men are ‘closeted’ if they have sex with other men yet identify as straight, this is not exactly true,” he said. “These men are secretive about their sexual behaviour, but not their identity. In fact, sexual encounters with men are mostly irrelevant to their identity.”

It appears, from reading statements and passages from his book, that Silva does have some valid arguments when it comes to the multidimensional and nuanced nature of sex and sexual attraction. But it also appears that, in some cases, he may be attempting to “mansplain” homosexual behavior in closeted men. Did he do all of this research just to basically hand us a “no homo” card in the end for something that’s actually just really queer? We would hope this isn’t the case.