Sober/So-Bear: My Journey Off Alcohol
I used to loathe Mariah Carey, but one night, while watching “POSE!” on FX, one of the main characters walked into rehab (Prey Tell) while “Anytime you need a friend” played in the background. I was quite drunk at the time, as I had probably downed four or more beers, a bottle of wine, and would most likely finish the night with a shot of Jameson… you know, typical night during COVID lockdown. But when I heard that song and the gospel choir in the background, it struck me and I decided to get help that night. I had talked with my buddy Wayne a few nights previous, and he shared that he had been sober for over 6 months. I credit him with me getting sober.
He and I, when we were drinking, would irritate the fuck out of my husband with our loud music, splashing around in the hot tub, and generally being drunk assholes. Tod (the hubby) would put up with us and drive our drunk asses from bar to bar. We’ve known each other for years, as I taught high school with his grandma and knew his namesake grandfather who was the art teacher here in our town back in the day.
However, his drinking became an issue as he would black out and fall. He ended up in the hospital after a pretty nasty fall about three years ago, and that’s when he stopped drinking. I hadn’t heard from him in a while, but that’s how it went with him. When he finally did call to tell me about all this, and how he was trying to get better, it inspired me. After all, if Wayne could stop booze, so could I. That one phone call, listening to him tell me about how his life had been ruined by booze was hard to hear.
I was part of some of those nights and the guilt I felt after he got a DUI after leaving our house haunts me to this day. I asked him for forgiveness and he was gracious enough to do that for me. He also talked about how he was ultimately responsible for himself and how it wasn’t my fault. That grace, and his courage several years ago to quit drinking set me on my own path to stop drinking. If it weren’t for him, I don’t know if I would have had that mindset to make that life change. Sadly, Wayne unexpectedly passed two summers ago from an undiagnosed brain tumor. The last time I saw him was at our daughter’s graduation party. He gave me a rose water flavored sparkling water and said “Cheers! This is the shit we’re drinking now!” with a hearty laugh as he cracked his open. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that I can’t stand anything rose scented, so the unopened can now sits on my desk as a reminder of him and our friendship.
So how does one go about doing this? That’s what I want to explore with these posts, as there are many ways to becoming sober (So-Bear?) For me, it took medical intervention and a doctor that was willing to work with me through all this. While I know that having insurance and access to a health care provider is a privilege some do not have, I will do my best to explore all options.
Upcoming posts will address the spectrum of recovery and will hopefully help those that are struggling. Topics will include:
- Getting started/getting help
- Medical help
- The four Rs of getting sober
- What does sober look like?
- Navigating the Bear Scene sober
- What to drink now that you don’t drink alcohol?
Please reach out to me with questions, comments or your own personal stories by emailing editor@bearworldmagazine.com I have found that finding your voice and your community can be a blessing in many ways. From coming out, to finding your way into the Bear World, and getting sober. Together we can make this happen!
