Meet Timothy Cobb, the American Walrus of the Noosa Hinterland in Queensland

He is American by birth and education, born in Sacramento, California. His dad was a professional baseball player and, later, a civil engineer, and his mother worked in the dental industry. His parents separated when I was nine years old. He has one brother and two sisters. He is the oldest. He is the only gay one in his immediate family (that he is aware of). He grew up largely raised by my single mother, but spent summers with my dad in Washington State. He also spent time with my mother’s family in Colorado, where he was exposed to ranch life and developed a love of horses and all things cowboy and Western. He was on the gay rodeo circuit for about 20 years, doing roping and horse events. But the gays say, save a horse, ride a bear.  

He was a good student and received a small scholarship to attend college. He attended the University of California at Davis, majoring in Chemistry and Mathematics. He had plans for medical school, but he changed course to Engineering. He worked for many years in pharmaceuticals and mining. Tim visited San Francisco in his 20s, and he discovered a gay community, and he was hooked on this fabulous gay lifestyle.

By 1980, he had left San Francisco. His mom had cancer, and he moved back to the family ranch on the Sacramento River to take care of her. He continued to visit SF often. The early eighties saw the onset of the HIV/AIDS epidemic. He had lost hundreds of friends and men he cherished. It started with the party boys. They went first, then the disease hit guys in solid relationships, and he felt it getting closer and closer to his inner circle of friends. He cried when he thought of the ones he had lost. He wishes he could have them back just for a day to tell them he loved them.  He was lucky, and he does not know why he was never infected. He thought it had a lot to do with him being a top, or functioning as one, all the time.  He was never good at sucking dick, but he sure knew how to fuck, and he did a lot of that.

He met his husband, Stephen Scott, on Bear411. It was sometime around 2010.  He saw a picture of him in Speedos, and of course, we started chatting. He had a ranch in Colorado, and they talked online often.  Stephen worked in the gay community and public health in Sydney, and came to Denver in 2013 for a drug law reform conference. He stayed on the ranch with Timothy, and we got along well. They had a connection, but Timothy was still working and not ready to retire. Stephen had his life in Sydney, and Timothy was still very busy with my career in the US. Timothy later visited Stephen in Sydney, and he took me to see the Great Barrier Reef. They were very similar politically, and they both have had a great concern for the environment.  As a relationship, they were firing on all cylinders. They are well matched sexually, and this is one of the many things that has held us together through the years. Stephen came to the US in 2017, and Timothy took him to Wyoming to witness the Great Eclipse and see Yellowstone National Park.  I saw an opportunity for early retirement, and by this time, they wanted to be together. Tim later on moved to Australia to be with his partner, and they agreed that Tim would be his walrus, and Stephen would be the koala. True love, right? 

Luka Musicki (L.M.): Welcome to the interview, Timothy (or do you prefer Tim with people). It is lovely to have a chat with you, and hopefully in-person. So you are from Sacramento, California (USA), and you are living in Queensland (Australia). So tell us about growing up in the queer community – where did it start, what was life like in the USA growing up for you?

Timothy Cobb (T.C.): Hello, I usually go by Tim or Timothy, either works for me. Stephen (my partner) calls me ‘Walrus’ most of the time. My family calls me Timmy, and I think that comes from Timmy and Lassi,e the old TV show. Lol. It doesn’t bother me.  

My first experiences with gay life came around 1975, when I tore off to San Francisco and found myself on Castro Street. I was 20 years old and was in a new world. In one day, I went from someone having no sexual identity to someone that everyone wanted. All I had to do was stand around and look cute. This was pre-HIV/AIDS, and sex was like a handshake. I was friends with Harvey Milk when he had the camera shop on Castro, as I was a photographer for the California Aggie at UC Davis. I used to talk to him for hours at the shop. I developed an interest in politics largely through Harvey.   

Sylvester was playing for free at all the venues in the neighbourhood and I got to know Sylvester when he was recording in Berkeley.  We used to eat at the same barbecue shop.   I also was one of the last guys to set foot in the Folsom Prison bar South of Market before it burnt down.  I was also a  frequent  contestant and sometimes winner at The End Up bar at 6th and Harrison for the Sunday night jockey shorts contest.   I was in SF when Harvey Milk and Mayor Mascone were murdered in a gay-hate attack.  A tragic day I will never forget.  I later attended the large violent protest at City Hall when their killer was given a light sentence due to his “Twinkie Defense”.   I arrived in SF at a great time and a time of great political upheaval.  Of course at this time no one had heard of HIV/AIDS.   No one had heard of a bear or the bear movement as it hadn’t been invented yet.   There was a freedom in the air that I have never experienced since that time.    

I have had 4 major gay relationships in my life.  My marriage to my husband Stephen Scott is my 4th.   I have never dated or kissed or had sex with a woman. I just knew I was gay and liked men from around age 4.  I’m lucky in one respect, that being I never had to figure out where I was on the Kinsey Scale.  If a 1 was totally straight and 6 was totally gay I was a 7 or an 8.    One of the things I am most proud of is still being friends and family to my previous partners who are all still living.   I had the good sense and good luck to always have good men in my life. I am extremely grateful for that.  These men have become my gay family and I value them beyond words.

L.M.: What did you do in the USA? I think you are currently a private pilot and former aircraft owner, still, right? 

T.C.: Most of my working life was as a chemical engineer and project manager doing a range of projects worldwide, mostly in pharmaceuticals and mining. I have also painted houses and driven a truck. I have done a lot of manual labour over the years, working on my Colorado ranch and various farms my family had. I do have a pilot’s license, which I got in 2010. I owned a plane for a while, but later sold my interest. My pilot’s license is not current and has not been upgraded to fly in Australia. I could if I wished, but it’s just not a current focus of my life.  

L.M.: With the bear community in the USA, especially in California, what was it like? Did you do bear runs, parties and various activities? 

T.C.: That is a great question. I have a few opinions/observations that are mine, but I respect the views of others.   When I came out in 1975, the concept of ‘bears’ was not even thought of.  When I hit The Castro, it was still a neighbourhood of straight people, families, and older folks.  There were a few gay hippies who filtered over from the Haight/Ashbury district, and the gays had already established a strong foothold in the neighbourhood. Toad Hall was the bar I first was in. (I sneaked in because I was only 20). The Castro clone look was all the rage, and 501 Levis, a white tee shirt, a big bushy moustache and a leather jacket were all you needed to be in the group. Hence, I still wear the big moustache today. It is part of my identity and my history, so I embrace it.  The big beard I have is mostly because Stephen likes a big beard on his man.   

When the epidemic hit, body type became an issue, and if a guy appeared to be ‘skinny’ or underweight, it was assumed he had the virus.  I know this is not fair or accurate, but it’s the way it was. So, a heavier guy with meat on his bones started to be seen as healthy. This, of course, was a shitty way of dividing up the community. Out of this new aesthetic, the bear community was born in SF. Guys who were previously outcast or seen as fat or overweight were suddenly the new hotties and sexually desirable.  

For myself, I always had a great build, muscular and strong, and I was very hairy and had a thick beard and moustache, so I fit the Castro clone look, and I fit in with the new bear group. I also was a twink for about 30 minutes when I was a teenager but I had a full beard at 15. Haha.  But what I saw develop was not inclusive.  The bears became sort of exclusive and dismissive of guys who did not fit the physical type.  Some bears became the new mean girls. That is about the time I stopped living in SF and moved to Nevada.  I know that bears promote the bear movement as accepting of all body types, but I have seen them be just as dismissive as any other gay sub-group.  The early 80’s saw the beginnings of the gay rodeo circuit and I was attracted to that given my ranching background.  

I have seen many gay men desperate for inclusion cry because they were rejected by the bears.  Being excluded from a group based on your looks is a terrible feeling for anyone.  It was especially difficult for young gay men who simply wanted to be “part of”.  Of course ,there are wonderful men and women and transpeople in the bear movement.   I try not to use words like all or none and everyone.  I’m talking about the early years here as I’m sure things have evolved for the better.

When I first moved to Sydney I was asked to run for Mr Harbour City Bears.   I thought it might be a great time to meet new people and experience the gay community down under.   I was told I could win the contest on looks alone, which was very flattering.  Being newly married, I knew there would be a lot of flirting and sexual pressure.  I knew this from being on the rodeo circuit in the US.   I decided it was best to stay private with my new husband. 

The party life in SF left me very dependent on alcohol. I took a job in Los Angeles working for a pharmaceutical company.  Things did not go well as I missed work due to drinking, and my partner at the time knew about AA and introduced me to meetings.  I knew many people in my family had died from alcohol and I decided I would give AA a go.  40 years later, it was the best decision I ever made.  I still sponsor newcomers in the program, especially younger gay men.  May 20,1986 is my sobriety date, and I have never gone back.

L.M.: And now moving to the topic of Australia. What was your experience like moving from the USA to Australia? Were there cultural changes? Why did you move – was it because of a partner or work? 

T.C.: Another great question. I moved for love. I fell in love with a man who loved me for me.  Imperfections and all.   Given the political situation in the US now, I feel like I won the lottery.   I started with a tourist visa and moved to a bridging visa. After marriage, I continued to a partner visa, then onto permanent residency.  I then became an Aussie citizen in September 2023.  I had a ceremony and my husband’s mom and dad and our niece attended.  It was very cool. I now have dual citizenship in the US and Australia.   I did my own application and did it all online.  I left a lot of things on the ranch but have realised, stuff is just stuff. I was back in Colorado recently and sold my motorcycle and was able to bring my guitar and violin home to Australia.  If anyone is considering making the move, I would be glad to share my experience with them.   If you want to know about partner visas, I can share my experience with all of that. 

I think the decision to live in Australia was mostly due to Stephen’s career and studying. It just made sense that I would move.  We discussed marriage and it was very timely that in November of 2017 marriage became legal.  He proposed, and I accepted, and then I proposed, and he accepted.  We were in the first 1000 gay couples to be married in Australia.  I got my Aussie swimmer and he got his cowboy.   Happily ever after you might ask?  We had a few bumps.  Six months after we got married in Centennial Park and had our beautiful reception at The Oxford Hotel Polo Lounge, I came down with meningitis and was in a coma for two weeks.  In 2024, Stephen developed head and neck cancer and underwent treatment for that.   We have survived both ordeals and come out with the shiny sides up.  We count our blessings that we live in Australia. It is a wonderful, fair and peaceful country.  Living in the US at this time would not be an option.

L.M.: What is your life like in Australia, compared to living in the States? What have you adapted to and did you find other bears, like through Brisbears?

T.C.: Life in Australia is different for sure.  The two countries look alike but there are many differences.   Aussies are quieter, more reserved, more polite.  Americans make friends quicker and are more gregarious (in general).  I have lots of funny stories of culture shock.  If Stephen and I have a difference of opinion, it is usually over cultural stuff.   I stay active with Stephen politically and Stephen has been a great teacher in Aussie culture and politics.  We both worked on the ‘Yes’ campaign for the First Nations Voice to Parliament.   We support candidates that align with our values.  

We are not involved currently with any of the bear groups, and we live in a rural area far from a capital city so there’s nothing like that around here.  We do participate in an informal group of older gay men that meet once a week here on the Noosa area for social contact and to have dinner.  We both realise what a problem getting older is in the gay community.  When you lose your partner, as several in our group have, it is easy to become invisible.  We want to support other gay men in this regard.  I have affectionately nicknamed the group ‘Senior Sausages’. 

L.M.: So tell us about your handsome koala bear partner, Stephen Scott. How did you two love bear meet, when did you get married (May 2018), and what is the spark between you two? Following up with your partner. So I know from your wedding posts that you had a post of an image of a walrus and a koala in love. So I am guessing that you are the walrus and he is the koala, right? If so (or not – happy to be corrected), how did you do decide on those animal personalities? For my partner and me, he is the quokka, and I am the otter. So, following up with the ‘walrus’ persona, why did you choose it over other alternatives in the bear community? Is it the look or the feel, like otter or seal, or whale? Like was it maritime background? or the shape of your moustache?

T.C.: Stephen Scott is the greatest addition I have ever made to my life.  I love being married and I loved being married to my Koala.  He is kind and smart and empathetic.   The level of love and trust we have is amazing.   That being said, Stephen will probably never in his life roll up a garden hose when he is done using it.   This I must accept.  Yes, he is 22 years younger, but we chose to overlook the numbers, because it’s the present moment that matters.  We are both followers of Eckhart Tolle and love his teachings and books.  

The Walrus thing evolved mostly because I have this huge moustache that can be seen from the ISS.  I just have always had a thing for big moustaches. Partly it’s my cowboy heritage, partly because I can grow a good one, partly from my identity as a gay man.  I just always have had one. It changes shape from time to time, sometimes a handlebar, sometimes a walrus. When we got married, there was a cartoon on the internet about a walrus and a koala that were in love with each other.  We sort of adopted that.  Stephen gets to be the koala because he’s cute as hell, like a koala.

L.M.: So, I can see that you were married in Australia in 2018 and this was after the “Yes” vote in Australia for gay marriage, what was the impact to you, and did you consider marrying your partner overseas in USA instead?

T.C.: Yes, we considered living in the US, but me being older, I was ready to retire and Stephen was still in the middle of his career.  I had built more wealth and money was easier to move.  If Stephen had come to the US he would have needed to restart his career.  He works in suicide prevention at the moment in the public policy arena.  

Our wedding was a blast.  We got married in Centennial Park and had our reception at The Oxford Hotel Polo Lounge in the heart of Sydney’s gay cultural life.  We had the most diverse group ever:  drag queens, bears, trans people, performance artists, singers, Sveta DJed for us. My family came from the US and Stephen’s family came from Queensland, plus all our Sydney friends and supporters.  People still talk about that wedding.   We both had beautiful suits made and we looked fantastic.  I felt like a bridegroom that day, an experience I never thought I would have as a gay man.    We even had Stephen’s mom and dad dancing to New Order.   We would have become legal partners even without the Yes vote to gay marriage.  The fact that we had a legal, fully recognised wedding made it that much sweeter, and for the LGBTQ community, it was the relief of being recognised as complete human beings.  If you are considering a wedding, do it! It was an unforgettable day.

L.M.: I can see that you are friends with Rob Camm, who is an Aussie living in Santiago, Chile and I did an interview with him last year. And there is another Aussie, Rob Allen, living in Texas, USA. And I would imagine that you have a lot of Aussie friends living in the Americas (North, Central and South), and a lot of Americans living in Australia. Do you exchange information or notes of what it is like living overseas permanently, or is this a topic that is not widely conventional? 

T.C.: From time to time, people ask me about my migration experience and that has increased as the US has become less and less desirable as a place to live. I love my native country and wish only the best for the US. The current politics is volatile, but there are still wonderful people in the US.   

L.M.: Moving onwards to your sweet tiny dog, what is its name, gender and unique qualities? Any interesting or funny stories to share? 

T.C.: Her name is Nina and she is a 6 year old chihuahua.  She is sweet and kind and cheeky at the same time.  We currently live on a large property which we are returning to koala habitat.   We have planted over 5000 trees, mostly koala food trees.  This is a labour of love for us as we are surrounded by public forest and national park  and our property is part of a declared koala corridor.  Nina is a good girl most of the time although she does like to chase the kangaroos and wallabies sometimes.  We raised Nina from a puppy when we lived in Sydney.  We took her to Sydney Park every day which is off leash.  She became socialised and friendly at an early age.   We love her and yes she sleeps in the big bed with her two daddies.  

L.M.: What do you do for hobbies and fun? Travelling, hiking in nature and visiting the beach

T.C.: I’m an artist at heart.  I am fascinated by the creative process.  I love music and study piano about two hours a day.  Mostly classical, but other stuff too.   I currently have a goal to complete Brahms’s Intermezzo in A Major.  I’ve a wonderful teacher.  We take the dog to the beach now and then.  We have travelled a lot and are planning a trip to Amsterdam for World Pride in August.  We love all the parks and wild bushland of Australia. Taking care of our property is always ongoing.  The lawn needs mowing.  The pool needs attention, fix this, paint that – the joys of homeownership I guess.   

L.M.: Would you say being a bear has helped or hindered your career? Is your audience primarily bears for work and life?

T.C.: Being a bear has neither helped nor hindered me.   I don’t think of myself as having an audience other than people that follow me on Facebook and Instagram.  In the early years of my career of course, there was more homophobia. The fact that I look the way I do is mostly just luck of the draw and genetics. In gay life there is always someone with more money, is better looking and has a bigger cock.  I don’t compare myself to others.  We are all given gifts and few of us get everything.   The trick is to embrace your gifts, the things that are good in yourself, and be thankful for them.    It is great fun being 70.  I don’t feel the need to explain myself to others.  I have overcome many of my shortcomings and worked on my defects.  Being 40 years sober this year is huge for me.  Alcoholism and depression decimated my mother’s side of the family with swaths of suicide cutting through the generations.  My brother is also sober and a good friend. He also will be 40 years sober this year.  I feel we have beaten this awful cycle and hopefully will be a good example to the younger ones in our family.   

What I am is a spiritual being living a temporary human existence.  All the labels attached to me like “gay man” or “man” or “bear” or “walrus” are just pages in the same book.  The only things we take with us when we pass is love and beauty.  

Someone recently told me I was the perfect bear.  I just laugh at that because I may look a certain way but that says very little abut my experience here on planet Earth.  Soren Kierkegaard said: “When you label me, you negate me”.  I think I agree with that.  Your own lived experience is the most valuable thing you have.  Never let someone take that from you.  

L.M.: Is there any advice that you would give someone (like a bear) who would be interested in moving to Australia, or learning from your experience, and what is involved?

T.C.: Changing countries is a big decision.  If you have personal issues such as addiction, relationship issues, or problems with self-honesty, changing countries will not fix you.  The first person you meet when you change locations is yourself.   Moving for a man is almost never a good idea.  The relationship and the reasons for the relationship need to be rock solid.   Don’t get caught up in the romance of moving.   Always expect to give more than you receive in any relationship.  That’s a great place to start.  Please don’t move just because you think the guys are hotter or “better”.  That’s what vacations and tours are for.   Do your research and make friends with local men before you move.   Consider this: If you went to the worst, ugliest place on earth, but you met the most handsome, sexy guy who loved you, don’t you think your opinion of the place would be altered?   Keep an open and realistic mind.   I see a lot of men online looking to get a partner visa in another country.  Beware. Be careful.  

L.M.: What are your career goals for the future?

T.C.: Haha,  I’m retired and plan to stay that way.  I want to travel and paint and play my piano.  I want to take naps with my husband and our puppy. I will continue to help other alcoholics in their journeys.  I will support people of all types and from all walks of life as they cross my path.  Ultimately, all I have to give is my experience, strength and hope.  If you can use that, I will be happy to share.

L.M.: Is there anything else that you would like to add in that I have missed?

T.C.: Can’t think of anything at the moment, but if you want to know something else, just ask me later on.

L.M.: Thank you, Timothy, for your time to participate in this interview, and it was wonderful to learn about you. Now, it is time for the quick-fire questions.

• Location: Currently living on 10 acres in the Noosa Hinterlands on the Sunshine Coast of Queensland, Australia

• Pronouns: He/Him/His/Ours

• Relationship status: Married to Stephen Scott since 26/05/2018 

• Favourite Drink: Alcohol, Drug and Cannabis free since 20/05/1986 (40 years sober). Currently drinking a Coke Zero.

• What type of guy are you into? Physically, hairy and handsome, with thick moustaches.  Tend to be attracted to handsome otters….   I tend to look at the whole man, a sense of humour, intelligence and kindness will always turn my head.   It’s ok to have issues, we all have them but please be working on them.   The truth is, I love men.  You don’t have to be perfect to get my attention. I will listen to your story.  

• Favourite Cities/Vacation Spots: I always have a warm spot for San Francisco,  Have lived in other cities and been to Europe many times.  Paris and Seville are two cities I also like.   For a restful vacation I love Hawaii.   I find Hawaii soothing to my spirit.  

• Favourite Hobby or Pastime:  Oh that can change. I’m a Gemini and always attracted to the next shiny object.  I’m a long time student of the piano.  Currently own a Yamaha Grand and studying with a great teacher. Working on Brahms’s Intermezzo in A Major at the moment. I have always been drawn to painting. Oil, acrylics and watercolours.  Driving my new Mazda MX5 out in the bush and all over the hinterland is fun too.     

• Idea of a good date?:  I like sharing common interests, be it good art or good food and adventures.   Tell me about the things in life you overcame and how you did it.  I will listen.

• What do you look for in a guy?:   Sexually, a handsome face and solid facial hair, a tight butt. If you are a total bottom, come sit by me. I don’t judge a guy by the size of up his package.  I never have.  Just have one that works and we will both have fun.    These days, I’m married and happily so.  We are monogamous and happy with each other.  Paul Newman was once asked if he ever cheated on Joanne Woodward. He replied: “Why go out for a hamburger when I  can have steak at home.” I’m 70 and my husband and I have a great active sex life that keeps a smile on both our faces.  This idea that sex ends when you get older is total BS.  Stay healthy,  stay interested.  It changes and evolves, but it doesn’t end. 

• Where can we find you?
  • Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Bushywalrus
  • Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bushywalrus/
  • No sex or hook-up apps. As mentioned above, I am in a married life with my partner.