Getting off alcohol: Many paths, one goal.

Getting off alcohol: When considering quitting alcohol, there are many paths that one can take to make that happen. The traditional route that numerous folks have taken is the AA route, or Alcoholics Anonymous. I will share that I had a pretty bad experience with AA back in the day, so when I decided to quit, this was not an option for me. However, for some, the 12 steps (or Twelve Traditions) that AA recommends have been a successful way to navigate this journey off alcohol. 

For me, the dynamics of the AA methodology was not helpful, nor did I like the gender-specific call to ask God to intervene in your recovery. As an atheist (Gaytheist?) I found that inclusion in the steps a detriment to my recovery, as I have a great deal of trauma from my religious up bringing. Some in the program will share that this step is outdated and not specific to the Judeo-Christian god, but rather open to your own interpretation of what that means. Since I didn’t believe in that aspect, I chose not to use AA in my recovery. In several of the recovery groups that I frequent online, this discussion (which program is best) will often end in the post’s comments being shut down or the original poster deleting the post due to the sometimes-heated discussion either for or against AA and the steps going off the rails. For a lot of folks in recovery, AA is the only way and they will come at those that challenge that statement. But as I  noted earlier, there are other paths to getting off of alcohol that are not AA and do not include religion or a higher power in their program, you can find some listed here.  This is not an exhaustive list, but rather a place to start. 

To me, this argument is similar to my situation with my brother and my husband. My brother is a rabid Ohio State Football fan. For him, the only team worth watching/following/cheering for are the Buckeyes. For my husband, a University of Michigan grad, his beloved Wolverines are the only team worth watching/following/cheering for. 

So, who is right and who to believe? It’s a matter of your own preferences and who you want to champion and cheer for. Same is true for recovery programs, there are those that insist that AA is the only way and those that say SMART and others are the only way. For someone new to sobriety, doing your homework is important, as the program you choose to follow isn’t a choice to take lightly. You can take the advice of those in the program, but the choice is ultimately yours to make. 

I had been “sober curious” for a long time prior to my quitting alcohol in 2021, as I knew my alcohol consumption wasn’t healthy. My body was sending me not-so-subtle cues that what I was doing was NOT good. My gout and gout flare ups were off the charts, my skin was breaking out, I was bloated, and my morning trips to the toilet were akin to bats fleeing a cave. My sleep was horrible, and my daily intake of aspirin to stave off my hangover headaches was causing my ears to ring at an uncomfortable level. I once joked with a friend who asked why I quit and said that my “check liver” light had come on.

It was indeed time to quit. 

I had read about Naltrexone on the Stopdrinking Sub on Reddit and the remarks and shared stories of those that had used it were encouraging. I spoke to my doctor and he was happy to prescribe the medication but shared that it was often most effective (per its dosing guidelines) when coupled with meetings such as AA or SMART or therapy. I shared with him that in my current role as Chair at the college where I worked at the time kept me in meetings all day long and adding one more meeting would most certainly keep me drinking. We had a laugh, and I told him about my daily visits and check ins on the Stopdrinking sub were my meetings. I also frequented an online community created around Annie Grace’s “This Naked Mind”  were both very helpful. Sadly, the original community that was created for Grace’s book is now no longer and the core group that I started this journey with have moved on to other platforms. The book, however, is gold! 

Mind you, this was all taking place during the COVID lockdowns, so going to an actual meeting, whether an AA meeting or a SMART Recovery meeting in person was out of the question. As with much of the world, these meetings were flipped to virtual to keep the work going for those involved. I won’t lie; those first few weeks off alcohol were rough, but using Naltrexone really helped with the cravings and the desire to drink. One of my husband’s colleagues retired during that time, and we were invited to her party at a place with an open bar. We had traveled all over the US with her and her husband, and had gone to many weddings/graduation parties together.  Alcohol was always available as it was at this event. I took my Naltrexone and stepped foot into the bar and took a deep breath. Her husband saw us, and immediately called us over to the bar where he was working as the bartender. I froze. 

What do I say? 

What do I do? 

Before I could even get a word out of my mouth, he started rattling off all the beers he had on tap. My husband ordered one for him and a soda for our son who had joined us. I asked him what he had in the soda department and he stared at me in disbelief. I shared that I wasn’t drinking now and he shook his head and handed me my requested Vernor’s ginger ale. It wasn’t easy, but I survived thanks to the support I received from my online groups and the help of Naltrexone. Also, my super-supportive hubby understood what I was going through and didn’t insist we stay for the whole event, instead, leaving early and going to get food to settle my rattled nerves. 

Whatever path you decide to take, know that there is support out there to help. Don’t be afraid to talk to your doctor/health care provider. Don’t be afraid to talk to your friends and family either. A person posted on line that they didn’t want to share their issue with their doctor, and someone replied “Honey, they know!” Whatever course you take, allow yourself the time to make it happen, as you’re rethinking and redoing everything you know. I’ll dive into that concept in a future post. Until then, I raise a Vernor’s in honor of you and your desire to quit alcohol. 

Cheers. 

T